Thursday, August 25, 2005

on change

sitting in my comfortable abode,i stared out of the window at the thunderstorm howling at me.Not a long while ago,even the thought of rain made me squeal with delight.moving to Pakistan had some advantages,and one of them was i cud have the thunderstorms all to myself.i was never the person who sang 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' or 'Rain rain go away' in kindergarden.i never matched my gloominess with the dreary weather.So in short,condensed drops of water always fascinated me.


Not today.


today i sit inside,listening to my playlist and sipping tea.Today,i think this world is fani.nothing stays in its original state.people,situations,finances,greenery,chocolate.they change...everything changes....
People are deceitful,untrue and just plain mean.i'm collecting the past in my hands,in my thoughts and on my page to try and c wat exactly goes wrong and where.wat disintegrates ppl to come to a point where they feel horribly insignificant and perpetually depressed?the absenceof thought or the thought of absence?the inevitability of growing up?knowing tht u can never scream needlessly again,never bounce in ur grandpa's lap again,never have the tooth fairy visit u just one last time,or tht ur never gonna blow bubbles in the lazy mid-summer sunshine.suckage this growing up.to conform with society is wat we're supposed to do.Unwillingly.Forcefully.this is wat i dont get which leads me to be a 'rebel without a cause'.Not just me.almost every1 i kno around me is a rebel in one way or another.the fact tht it is absolutely necessary for society to accept us is driving me crazy.for we all must change who we are to be accepted.we must comply to the norms,stay inside the line,go not astray.i envy those who have it easy.for those who comply willingly,blindly,almost instantly.those who dont have to hink twice about wat is right,wat is wrong,bcuz for them,it has already been decided.for them,change is nothing.they simply go with the flow and live somewat contently,if i may say so.it is the unfortunate ones like me who stop midway in the maddening crowd....stop to think...wat do i want?how will obeying society help me? wats life like if i turn around in this herd of conformists and walk the other way?


thts the moment u realize uve found urself.ur destiny.its all urs,and it cant be taken away.u stare at the sun tht was first shining on ur back,but is now smiling in ur face.u struggle thru the crowd.sure,ull get shoved,gali-o-fyed,maybe even trampled,but once u get to the end,its success.ur success.u smile at the just-deserted land,and make necessary preperations to build ur own world,away from society,from norms and conservative beliefs.where you never have to change.who knows,ppl in the herd might realize ur missing and come luking for u,only to be inspired by the magnificent empire u built for only ur thoughts and beliefs to reside.


i open the front door and a gush of wet wind makes me squint.i hear the dripping and splattering of the rain as i go nearer and nearer to it.i smile as i stretch out nd my hand goes wet.Thnk God,some things never change=)

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

wat documents we need

There is no bigger turn on than a skinny guy in a lawrencepur suit..*dreamy sigh*.thus,the mini-billboards tht line Hussain Chowk are divine.there’s no better time of the day than gazing at the heavenly Adonises while ur driving towards the hell hole a.k.a Liberty.Moving on,I think I’ll wear orange on my wedding day,given its gone be quite the soon.i have never luked tang-ier *GRIN*.its nice wen ur the lightbulb out of them all.
Its unbelievable how doctors kno how to dance.quite frankly,I expected them to have a zilch life (including luks,personality and choice in glasses).it wasn’t tht bad on the whole tho. I think I’m finally learning the importance of family relations and how close the yshud be/are.i’ve very rarely felt at home orr as relaxed as I was today.plus all my frnds are leaving…I need something to cling to…more l8r(Holy Mount CrushFlip)

jhoom

Its 12:56am and I’m feeling highly nostalgic for a life I used to live…for ppl I used to kno…for stuff I used to do…for the person I used to be.i’m inspired.in a awkward,almost plagiarist manner.i’m gutted,morose nd speechless at the happenings around me.now tht everything is over,my life seems like the rubble on the Ground Zero site after 9/11.i was just wondering…languorous is such a pretty word…the letters wrap snugly around ur tongue.

Today,I got to know at Medusa felt like. Except my snakes were made of rubber and were red n yellow heh.but now I feel like Mary Antoinette with my hair all glossily curled nd I don’t wanna wash em.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

bronze skin nd cinnamon tanz

i'm taking out my anger by squashing flies.*SPLAT*.ugly,black things tht can fly.I wanna fly.go to london.be fweeeeeee.hub (unbelievably so) hs a 3 yr old bro.he's 3!hub's gonna infect his mind,poor thing:).Vine asked me once,dont u feel awkward tht every1 can read into u?it does vine,but i welcome comments,so its not so bad.


i went to Old Lhr(read Heera Mandi) the other day.i'm so connected with the place its not even funnny.Saba thought i went to fill an application form,bitch:D.neway,dad's right.we have no culture,unlike the hindus.just surly,greasy men luking for fresh meat.but i still like it i guess.i'm going to go again,this time at night.Hub sed there are gorjus grls there.i have yet to c those however.i pasted my face at the car window(wsnt allowed out.sad no?),fascinated by all the sights nd smells.crusty men glard at me with some incredulity.thos,supposedly,who cudnt afford a pross,nd luked hungrily at nething with long hair nd threaded eyebrows(even khussras,mind u).there wasnt a single woman in sight,tho yaar.i was quite the depressed.o,well.there's always next time.Tis charsi central tho.badminton,ne1?

fix jorself

the sun is shining
the moon is blue

luk at me
and i'll luk at u.

embrace my scrawny pleas
nd temptations wild enuff to fly

guard my perturbed pertness
and sensual....shower gel.

i am in dire need
of a foolish lover

such as urself

she thinks she's a star...

i have 'Difficult Child' written all over me.i'm trying to find solace in everything:religion,night,tears,cooking.even grape juice.nothing works.i've lost all desires,lost the need to feel.its such a melancholy thought.my best frnd is moving forever to Dubai in less than a month.i dont care.my mom is sick all the friggin time.i dont care.i still havent decided my career.i really dont care.good kid gone wrong?possibly.i cant change again tho.i've changed too many times.my faith and morals r so wisted.fucking dillusional world.nd my upbringing is something of the past.i cudnt care less.

stay clear from this danger zone.

it all adds up

the eyes are broken
yet the soul is healed


the quilt is woven
and the air is sealed


cumbersome love
and consummate hate.


tiredness and
yellow boxes full of fate


tnging temptation
sleepless night


numb with cold
bitter celestial light


no this never stops
life.it never ends.

non

God is my sympathy partner.He pats my back while i grieve at my greivances.i dont even feel the need to talk:)


wats the deal with runaway brides btw?is it a trend?julia roberts ne kya kar liya,saray kar rahe hain...kelly clarkson,mariah carey,M.J...i'll be doing it soon..


so me n manno stood on the rain with our mouths open luking towards the sky.i dont remember ever being so connected with her b4.there we were,just standing,rain pattering down on our face.it was one of those moments u luv remembering wen ur too old/sophisticated to do ne of tht stuff.