Thursday, March 30, 2006

I love to kiss your hair
When you're curled up in bed
Eyes shut tight
and you're dreaming far away

I love to slip my hand in yours
quietly.
Satisfaction filling me up
and brimming over.

Dekho zaraa
what's happening to me
I'm flying high like
there's no tomorrow.

And soon
so you won't even know it
Someday I'll be flying
to you.

The stars wink and blink
glitter dusting the
blackish-blue above

Pata hai?they call out to me
Like i know you do,
sometimes.
Maybe even all the time.

Someday you won't even know
I'll fly out to you,for you
When your eyes are shut tight
and you're dreaming far away.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

anonymous lovin'

so what if when I
enter the bed
weary kajal under my eye
what then?

i'd wipe your tears away,
and gaze at the face of my angel
holding on, for our sleep serene.

tonight's music
won't sound good
cuz I dont really feel like it
what then?

we'd save it for another day
a day when this song will be everything you hear
and your heart's desires are fulfilled

sometimes I'll be happy
other times I won't
pick your clothes off the floor
what then?

I'll learn to borrow strength from you
so that, when you need respite,
i will not burden you, but fend for myself

what if there's no
sense and rhyme or reason
no rules to abide by
what then?

we'll write our own songs.
our words, wrought from sheer poetry,
will lend order to our boundless being.

I might not feel
as warm as I do
on other nights
what then?

i will shelter you from the cold,
in the proximity of a roasting fire, alive with warmth,
your night shades all premise null, my night is but submitted to yours.

I might not give
but expect a whole lot
more.from you.
what then?

i will learn to be patient,
to learn compromise, and the art of giving
so that i may give YOU all that should be yours.

maybe I won't show
what I'm feeling
or what I want you to make me feel
what then?

i will learn your every contortion,
to read you like my mind,
to write in your pages, to cherish your texts.

will love still be as selfish,
and demanding?
or unrequited.
what then?

we will yield to it's whimsical pleadings,
give of ourselves; drained to the base, never to wallow
and this love once shared, need not be returned.

will we still sit
under trees in the unyeilding
wind?talking.breathing.
what then?

we'd sit at night by a fire,
rekindling our spirits,
waiting for the radiance of a glorious dawn.


(wataaaaaaaay.thnkuss=))
we're crying simultaneously.on opposite sides of the world.I can feel you in my pumping veins.



You are one of God's mistakes.
You crying, tragic waste of skin.
I'm well aware of how it aches.
And you still won't let me in.
Now I'm breaking down your door,
to try and save your swollen face.
Though I don't like you anymore
you lying trying waste of, space.

My oh my.

A song to say goodbye.
A song to say goodbye
A song to say goodbye,
A song to say,
Before our innocence was lost
You were always one of those
Blessed with lucky 7's,
And a voice that made me cry.

You were mother nature's son.
Someone to whom I could relate.
You're needle and your damage done,
Remains a sorted twist of fate,
Now I'm trying to wake you up,
To pull you from the liquid sky.
Cause if I don't we'll both end up
With just your songs that say goodbye.

My oh my.

A song to say goodbye,
A song to say goodbye,
A song to say,
Before our innocence was lost
You were always one of those
Blessed with lucky 7's,
And a voice that made me cry.

It's a song to say goodbye.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

a moon between the clouds

Sometimes,a sweater isn't enough to keep you warm from the cold.Even the cold you feel inside.Sometimes its uncomfortable to feel alone.Oddly enough,I did feel incredibly beautiful under the foggy light of that darn street lamp.Things will be stuck in my head for a long time to come.Like Taran.And smiling with your eyes wide shut.You know,I've always wanted to spend such a gorgeous night like this with someone who mattered.And man do you matter.I've never taken out time to properly thank you,or be whoever you want me to be(cuz everyone wants someone to be something).I just want you to know that I'm ridiculously proud of who you are,and so very honoured to be able to hang around you like one of your contemporaries.I pity the fool who condemns and contradicts your actions and thoughts(and that would be you yourself,really).You are,as I said before,the perfect Mr.Higgins,and your Eliza is somewhere selling flowers (or eating Kit Kat;)) like there's no tomorrow.Don't you dare try changing her,you scum,it wouldn't be the most righteous thing to do.Much love,pagal.Shine on=).

Monday, March 20, 2006

fancy england

so what if when I
enter the bed
weary kajal under my eye
what then?

tonight's music
won't sound good
cuz I dont really feel like it
what then?

sometimes I'll be happy
other times I won't
pick your clothes off the floor
what then?

what if there's no
sense and rhyme or reason
no rules to abide by
what then?

I might not feel
as warm as I do
on other nights
what then?

I might not give
but expect a whole lot
more.from you.
what then?

maybe I won't show
what I'm feeling
or what I want you to make me feel
what then?

will love still be as selfish,
and demanding?
or unrequited
what then?

will we still sit
under trees in the unyeilding
wind?talking.breathing.
what then?

Friday, March 17, 2006

I GOT AN A I GOT AN A I GOT AN A:D:D:D:D:D


I am soooooooooooo showing off.but you don't know what I have to put up with so =p

Thursday, March 16, 2006

btw

kashmiris and peerzadas have big noses.i have proof.=D

damn em to hell

me bia and mehar were walking to class,when we saw the most horrific thing anyone could ever...EVER imagine.Someone had left a half-eaten creamy pop on a deserted table.(for all of you retards who don't know what a creamy pop is,its the most delicious ice cream you could get in Rs.10).So we all freeze in complete befuddlement,stopping the whole traffic behind us,which also included a teacher.Everyone peered over our shoulder to see what caused the sudden pause in such a cheery life.People (heartlessly) rolled their eyes and walked off towards their respective classes.'What happened beta?'the teacher asks.I picked up the victim of yet another cruel gesture.Sometimes I wish spiderman were real.The teacher,too,laughed and carried on.Me and Bia held it with trembling hands.'We gotta bury it man,there's no other way to pay due respect'.Bia nods solemnly and we walk to the backyard of the PG Block.I dig a hole with a stick while Bia goes 'Hurry up I can't beeeeennnndddd'.'Oh yeah,two secs'.The hole dug,I place the half-eaten,still-hasnt-melted,creamy pop into it.Me and Bia cover it with dirt and grime,and the stick serves as a tombstone.The preist (Mehar) joins the girls standing on the balcony,watching us in our sorrow,paying their respects from afar.

'Dear God,'(Bia starts)'It was a good creamy pop'
'It led a simple,frozen life.It did not deserve to die this death'
'However,I'm sure it must have been happy.And I hope,we all hope,that the sinner rot in hell'
'Forever.Amen'

We hugged then,and proceeded to class.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

how to get back at a hawk:by zahrah haider and mehar javed

To me hawk/cheel/falcon/eagle are all the same.So we spot one,all magnificent and grand perched up on a branch looking/acting as if it owned the world.We're quite in awe of its pride,its ferocious gaze and dazzingly dangerous beak.scorn fills our empty insides...slowly...assuredly...

*mehar mutter* 'just cuz u can sit on a branch...'

that's enough to perk me up.

'damn you big black thing with wings!'*i shake my fist.it scowls back unnerved*
'yea!'*mehar pipes in*.'we're soooo much cooler than you are!'*sticks out tongue*
'yea!we can talk.can you talk?'
'and we can eat naan-samosa'
'and chocolate chip cookies'
'and we have airplanes!'
'which are so much bigger than you are' *sticks out tongue*

(keep in mind that we are slowly edging away from the intimidating animal and that one of the twins is with us,mildly amused)

'and it serves breakfast,lunch and dinner'
'plus a choice between orange juice and champagne'
'and peanuts!'
'yea!'

The hawk/cheel/falcon/eagle merely puffs its chest out one last time before flying off to somewhere we can't follow.

Damn him.

honey and the moon

sometimes,somewhere,it all fits.Good to know that rubbing the dust out of you're eyes really does help with clearer vision.Talking about dreams and aspirations bring you closer to reality.makes you realize that dreams can only be dreamt of.We are all the same in the sense that we have so much planned in our heads.Only a handful of us know whats actually going on.When the show's over and the audience is gone,there's no one left to entertain but yourself.


p.s.what do they do with the grass they cut off?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

do you know what's the most disappointing thing?

When you anticipate something so MUCH and then the real thing is so fucked up you get pissed off.Like,ok this can have a lot of different underlying meanings,but I'm talking about the 'djuice' commercial.I mean.wtf was that.I was like wooooooow bohot cool hoay ga,guy in full afro,woman making yucky pasty thingy,guy holding spider web between forefinger and thumb,yada yada.fucking telenor add nikla.ajeeb baqwas thi.

THERE IS A SONG.THAT IS STUCK IN.MY HEAD.AND I DONT KNOW WHICH ONE IT IS.thats also very disappointing.

um.um.ummmmmmmmm.i cant blog under pressure.sorry.
i think i'll go to sleep,dream about something philosophical,THEN blog.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

lyla

my man will dedicate this to me.no matter if he likes oasis or not.or whether he wants to walk the runway or eat cotton candy out of the vendor's nose.in short,i want to be a lyla for someone.

Calling all the stars to fall
And catch the silver sunlight in your hands
Come for me, set me free
Lift me up and take me where I stand
She believes in everything
And everyone and you and yours and mine
I waited for a thousand years
For you to come and blow me out my mind

Hey Lyla
The star's about to fall
So what d'you say
Lyla
The world around us makes me feel so small
Lyla
If you can't hear me call, then I can't say
Lyla
Heaven help you catch me if I fall

She's the queen of all I've seen
And every song and city far and near
Heaven help my mademoiselle
She rings the bell for all the world to hear

Hey Lyla
The star's about to fall
So what d'you say
Lyla
The world around us makes me feel so small
Lyla
If you can't hear me call, then I can't say
Lyla
Heaven help you catch me if I fall

Hey Lyla
The star's about to fall
So what d'you say
Lyla
The world around us makes me feel so small
Lyla
If you can't hear me call, then I can't say
Lyla
Heaven help you catch me when I fall

Friday, March 10, 2006

ode to mothers.

Presentation in english today.Random girls talking about random stuff..I wasn't really listening to them..any of them..except when Scherezade started presenting.I was shocked out of my LIFE,I don't know why..I've known who she is for quite some time..never really properly talked,but she's quite fun.She started talking about virtue and closeness with God,and backed it up with a personal experience.She talked about how her mother died just three months before 'o' levels..and what she went through,feelings,responsibilities.How she spent time with her manic depressive mother,how she handled it all.How she felt for her father who had lost the love of his life.I don't know,it was all so weird.I felt so sorry for her,and I went up and hugged her so tight and she started crying.I HATE it when people cry,so I started crying and Bia sucks at consoling too so she started crying,and by the time we got out of class,we were all sniffing and teary-eyed.Imagine not having a mother to tell stories to..not having the person in who's arms you've felt safe since you were a day old..not being able to shop together,laugh together,fight with,make fun of your dad with.Not having her there to guide you what to cook and how,to tell you what place is actually the cheapest to buy shoes,explain the little tid-bits that are actually the biggest problem-solvers in life.Not having her bid you farewell when you get married,not have her hold your child in her arms and rejoice on having acheived something miraculous and out of this world.We're all selfish sons of bitches and take everything for granted.I being the no.1 on this list.I seldom think what it would be like not having mom around..not having her roam around aimlessly yet so focused..to love me and rebuke me at the same time..to tell me how proud she is of me even though I've achieved absolutely nothing in this life.Its odd.I love you mom,and I try my best to show it.I'm sorry for all the times I fuck up and don't try as hard as I should.You're my inspiration to be a better person than what I am now,and my light at the end of the tunnel.God bless you.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

einstein in the making

I like reading in the bathroom.I've heard its a..err..family trait.kher,I have 'The Sunday Magazine' there,a one with a picture of Mehreen Raheel on it,and its been there for a freakin long time.I dont know why I bother to change it...
Every time I read it,I expect to find something new..something I haven't read before..So I flip through the pages,looking for it.And when I dont find it,I'm never disappointed.Its like what Einstein said:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

(Ha....I'm SO cool=D)

buttered popcorn

Yes so.Buttered popcorn.Hot,dont-know-how-to-open wali.Sitting and talking for no reason,about no information in particular was never so much fun=).Getting earrings as presents is cooler than I thought.Running into everyone in the world is hilarious.Thank you,my black-cladded little fluff,you.Thankz for everything.Postal address will be given soon;).

Corpse Bride

It didn't matter much most of the time,cuz well,he was a man,and men were emotionally nonchalant in general.But when it hit home,it hit hard.Like now.He stared down at her in the dimness of the dawn,the morning mist clinging to her skin and bouncing off at the same time.She opened her eyes as he gently stroked her face.She changed her positionn to lying sideways,yet he kept on stroking,this time her bare arm.She finally got out of bed,heading towards their bathroom half-way across the room,without a backward glance.He sighed and leaned back,eyes half-closed,wondering what he did this time.
He watched her through his half-closed eyes,as she got out and walked towards the bay windows that opened out to the sea.She stood there clutching a loose side of her white nightgown,staring preoccupied into the oblivion.He went to where she was standing and put his arms around her.'Oh,you're up?....its early you know.Would you like some breakfast?' she inquired all in a rush as she broke free from the seemingly loving embrace.He grabbed her hand as she tried to breeze past him.'Listen...I know I've asked this question a million times,but I feel obliged to ask again and again.What's wrong love?'
'Nothing at all,'she replied almost instantly.And with that,she put on her robe and left the room.He sighed and shook his head.It was the same routine almost every morning.She had everyone fooled....everyone thought she was the happiest and the luckiest woman in the world.No one saw the emptiness behind her beautiful smile,the far off look in her eyes when she wasn't listening,the limpness in her gait.She was always there,but never really there.She was trained to be the perfect wife,the perfect daughter-in-law,the perfect everything.But he was the only one who saw it all,the only one who knew that this wasn't her.And whenever he confronted her,she averted his questions.There was something inside her that refused to be discovered.She was hiding a secret that would set her free if revealed.He tried clawing his way through,but in vain.She would always have all the emotions sucked out of her.

She would always be his corpse bride.

Monday, March 06, 2006

ok i felt all lovey dovey for a sec,but now its all gone.

*sucks on lollipop*

The Rekindled Spirit of March

When rain mixes with dust it smells like chai.Tis a very important discovery I made while riding to school *cough* sorry,COLLEGE *cough* today.I also found out that thundi chai is very gandi chai.So I threw mine down the drain while no one but God was looking.
Bia and I tried acting ghetto today.We were so bad at it=/.Come to think of it,we're so bad at everything=S.Perpetual misfits.We couldn't stop laughing in English when I wrote activates hunger on her arm and she wrote induces sleep on mine.I think the stuff you do that makes no sense to anyone but yourself is what actually creates a bond between two people.No one understands our humour,and when they do I feel violated.I'm so protective about everyone and everything I love,that its turning out to be one of the bad habits that never go away.And conciously turn up at the wrong time.Like when T and B were hanging out and talking,I felt so jealous.SO jealous.I wanted to rip something's head off.I hated sharing my friends with each other. They were mine to begin with,and the fact that I have to share them gets to me sometimes.(Mind you I said sometimes,I'm not psycho).But I love everyone (care about a few) and I think everyone deserves to be happy,owing to the lives we lead,so if sharing friends does that,let it be.I'll just make sure I'm not around...
I also taught Bia the most coolest word in British slang.Bollox.=D.BOLLOX.=D.She loves it too.
I got to miss 3 classes today cuz Mrs.Nadia Amir (*points*)(her)
took us to heaven today=D.Namely the 20th International Bookfair at the Expo Centre today.I WAS.SO.LOST.
Its always been that way.Be it the school library,the public library,my Uncle's bookshelves..I always lost contact with the real (?) world when I was surrounded by books.Still haven't lost the habit:).And the fact that Expo is so HUGE (ooh its painted now!),added to the 'getting lost'ness.Stood in front of the building for like around 2 whole minutes..nostalgia slapping me in the face..anything you hold on to slips away..and it never comes back..so what do you do when you want to remember that one single word your flana friend said once upon a time ago in flani jaga with the flana guy roaming around that made you laugh so hard?Or when you want to retell an entire incident,but the words are all jumbled and the dialogues modified?Let's just say the books kept my mind off a lot of things..time that I always wanted to hold in my palm and come back home to keep it in my locked wali closet so that whenever I open it again,I clutch at my heartache.
And then I come home to find half of my downstairs furniture sitting in my garage,and it hits me for the first time that I'm leaving.To God knows where in this lovely weather that we're having.I go inside my semi-empty house,to sacred pictures that are last minute things to take over,to my computer and the table I'd been eating at since I was 5.My mother makes me chai (she senses the dreariness) and gives me a croissant (absolute favourite cheerer-upper) to munch on while I look glum and drown in self-pity.So many things happened here yaar bhai yaar...I came to here..in this very room..I cried in that corner there...my friends were all here..dancing,going crazy,eating 'chinese' stuff mom made..Fooki almost broke my neck in this room..(accidentally,people,my brother really does *ahem* love me)..My chai rots itself on the corner of the desk as all these incidents come to mind..
And then I open my orkut,(out of sheer habit,like every other person who lives and breathes Pakistani),and Dopey has written me a testimonial.
Mohamed: i love you. for being able to see good in other people. and me.
and i want my chummi NOW!!
Hahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahhahah.Its enough to make me forget how hard all this has been on me.Thank you for everything,you indiscreet lover you=).

i luff jew bia




ummm...this was supposed to complete the blog entry below,but i forgot.so yea,this is neechay ka.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

drama queens

This is what happens when a bonde and a valley girl (oh my God like oh my GOD,like dude) get together to spend some bored time.

Bia cautiouslyopens the door to the dark(lights were put out)family room,where I was sitting online.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Hiya babe!What's with the lights?*confused face*
Err...I was...tired?yea so I turned off the lights to sleep,but sat online instead.come sit!
*nods,still confused*
We both sit online for a while until my kaam wali comes inside and gives me a brilliant idea,and lo and behold,thunder strikes!
*GASP* LETS GO TO THE PARK!
*eyes wide open*Really?That'd be like...so awesome!
*beams*.Lemme change first.I mean,what if I bump into someone cute?SO not cool.
Oh,definitely.*rolls eyes,smiling sideways*.You're beautiful anyway,Z.=).
Shut up B.(from behind a closed closet door)
We get a headstart from my mom and kaamwali.
When gul and I used to walk home from some place,I used to point out all the houses I knew and tell him who lived there.
Yea I used to do that too...to...um...myself
*giggles*.Let's do the swings first!
man,if only I cud do swings...
Swinging starts.
Dude,I haven't done this in like,a while.
*grins*.yeah me too.
Me and my sister would have races,she was always such a wuss.Like,who's scared of swinging?hahahaha...I still love her though...
Lets kick off our shoes!
*Kicking off of shoes happens*
If you tilt your head going back,the world looks upside down.
*tries it*OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA!THATS SO COOL!*is dizzy*
I know right?My sister used to get dizzy..*does it too*
What if the world was really like that?Hanging trees,lamposts,houses,with the sky as the ground and the ground as your sky...
But we would fall z...
*shakes head*
We swing for time immortal.I'd like to quote the wonderful Stevie Smith here 'And the hours and moments like minutes pass'.So we're swinging,deep in thought and discussion at the same time.Then Bia suggests we swing in circles.We do that.Swing in circles.I'm just taking in the fact about it being an unusual movement,when Bia goes
Dude.This is kinda like gyrating...'
I stop abruptly and am appalled that this is exactly the motion sex happened in(or so I had heard=p)
Thanks for bringing that to my attention,b.I feel sick now.
hahahahahhaha...*super big grin* but dude its true!remember what Poopy said?
Yes,a little too well,love.
ok,ok,ok.Lets try falling in the sky!
YEA OK!
We swing with all out might,reaching for the glittery dots polluting the dark sky above.Its one of the best feelings I've had in a bloody long time.ruined shortly by
DUDE!I think I'm gonna puke..
We stop.
Hey!Lets try standing up!
Dude,I'm too fat =S.The swing'll break..
It'd be fun to watch you fall waisay...
*shoots a scowl*
No seriously,try it.
hahahahah z I'm really gonna fall!
I'm already in the air.B grumbles,standing up very cautiously.The swing suddenly has a mind of its own,getting jiggy with Bia,being uncooperative and fidgety until Bia finally sits on it.
Dude,that jhoola,*points to a circular jungle gym*, looks like it was made for a very big hamster.
Yeah I never tried climbing it.Particularly cuz I had no one to climb with.Lets try it today!
*dread making weird shadows on face*..jungle gyms dont like me.
O comon,I'm in the same boat,more or less.*runs barefoot to the 'hamster box' as we now call it*
I climb on top from the outside,Bia follows suit.We sit,uncomfortably,but satisfied that we have conquered the giant.
See that window?*points to one behind Bia as she turns to look at it*
uh-huh
Hot guy lives there.OOH,hot guy has hot friends too.And an ugly dog...or was it a parrot?
ahahahahhaha...thank God the park is empty.Usually I can't sit on swings and run around barefoot like I did today cuz
a)too many people around to watch my flab juggle *rolls eyes*
b)I have to act mommy to my little cousins
Its unusual for the park to be this empty though.There are usually lots of guys around,smoking,talking on their cells,being rowdy.And staring of course.
Of course.
*moment of silence*
Dude,its like,so nice out here.
uh-huh
abdul. "that montage was the gayest thing i've ever seen... and I've kissed a guy!" - Paul says:
LOVE ME
Zh~*: ooh boy u lukin like u like watchu see.hey LOOK!its cinderella!'weirdest couple ever'.chuggi baybee mWah! says:
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMOGMGOMG
Zh~*: ooh boy u lukin like u like watchu see.hey LOOK!its cinderella!'weirdest couple ever'.chuggi baybee mWah! says:
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
abdul. "that montage was the gayest thing i've ever seen... and I've kissed a guy!" - Paul says:
check if you can make a post for me real quick please
abdul. "that montage was the gayest thing i've ever seen... and I've kissed a guy!" - Paul says:
just something random
Zh~*: ooh boy u lukin like u like watchu see.hey LOOK!its cinderella!'weirdest couple ever'.chuggi baybee mWah! says:
where?
Zh~*: ooh boy u lukin like u like watchu see.hey LOOK!its cinderella!'weirdest couple ever'.chuggi baybee mWah! says:
RITE NOW?
abdul. "that montage was the gayest thing i've ever seen... and I've kissed a guy!" - Paul says:
on your blog
Zh~*: ooh boy u lukin like u like watchu see.hey LOOK!its cinderella!'weirdest couple ever'.chuggi baybee mWah! says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
abdul. "that montage was the gayest thing i've ever seen... and I've kissed a guy!" - Paul says:
yes
Zh~*: ooh boy u lukin like u like watchu see.hey LOOK!its cinderella!'weirdest couple ever'.chuggi baybee mWah! says:
ok
abdul. "that montage was the gayest thing i've ever seen... and I've kissed a guy!" - Paul says:
please
Zh~*: ooh boy u lukin like u like watchu see.hey LOOK!its cinderella!'weirdest couple ever'.chuggi baybee mWah! says:
OK
abdul. "that montage was the gayest thing i've ever seen... and I've kissed a guy!" - Paul says:
hurry biznatch!!
Zh~*: ooh boy u lukin like u like watchu see.hey LOOK!its cinderella!'weirdest couple ever'.chuggi baybee mWah! says:
AHAHHAHAHAAHA
Zh~*: ooh boy u lukin like u like watchu see.hey LOOK!its cinderella!'weirdest couple ever'.chuggi baybee mWah! says:
waitttttttttttttttttt uppo


and that.is the wonder of having abdul rehman chisti shah as a friend=).

sweet dreams,love

Today,I found out my biggest fear.And I'm thanking God that blogspot can't open right now for me to confess to myself what my fear really is.Jab khulay ga tou dekhi jayay gi...

Yea so its negligence.My fear,I mean.I've figured out that I hate being ignored/shunned/prioritized,which is why I act like I do,maybe talk like I do,just be me.I've had too many people leave me in my life for no apparent reason,mostly where its not my fault,yet I tend to blame myself.I don't know,I say from the outside that it doesn't matter,cuz really,it doesn't.People have their own reasons for doing what they do and I'm really no one to ask who,what or why.But my nightmares (silly yet profound,mind you) have become more frequent.From once a week to twice daily.There's just no stopping my subconscious from blurting out whatever's on its mind.It doesn't help that I think my dreams are actually happening,that its a real situation,making the crying and screaming scenario much worse than it is.Eating disorders closely follow.
*sigh*
And I hate my mom for not paying attention.I know I'm wrong and I know whatever she's doing is for us,and I can't even imagine the pain and difficulty she's going through.Yet I can't help but be selfish.Again,negligence,and its so hard having to deal with it.
aah fudges.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Diaphonous

Doesn't matter who it was,
I'm sleeping in my room alone again.
Big lonely bed with big lonely walls
Start at every sound and wince at every light,

Jing-a-ling,the phone rings
And the wall-clock ticks aimlessly.
I'm still wondering what to do
With the bare walls and my bare heart.

The chill of the unday feels good
Cuz I'm so cozy in my lonely bed
Oh,won't you join me in this misery?
We'll show them how its done.