Saturday, March 04, 2006

sweet dreams,love

Today,I found out my biggest fear.And I'm thanking God that blogspot can't open right now for me to confess to myself what my fear really is.Jab khulay ga tou dekhi jayay gi...

Yea so its negligence.My fear,I mean.I've figured out that I hate being ignored/shunned/prioritized,which is why I act like I do,maybe talk like I do,just be me.I've had too many people leave me in my life for no apparent reason,mostly where its not my fault,yet I tend to blame myself.I don't know,I say from the outside that it doesn't matter,cuz really,it doesn't.People have their own reasons for doing what they do and I'm really no one to ask who,what or why.But my nightmares (silly yet profound,mind you) have become more frequent.From once a week to twice daily.There's just no stopping my subconscious from blurting out whatever's on its mind.It doesn't help that I think my dreams are actually happening,that its a real situation,making the crying and screaming scenario much worse than it is.Eating disorders closely follow.
*sigh*
And I hate my mom for not paying attention.I know I'm wrong and I know whatever she's doing is for us,and I can't even imagine the pain and difficulty she's going through.Yet I can't help but be selfish.Again,negligence,and its so hard having to deal with it.
aah fudges.

2 comments:

ManiK said...

.....

*hug*

i feel like doing THAT^^^ a lot nowadays.....

La Whore said...

i dream alot also...can really relate to the "silly but profound". if only the troubled subconscience would rise to the surface. i mean the dreams are so real that you're living it anyway, so it might as well just come out where you can see it clearly..sure would make aiming for it a lot easier. some how i feel like you will understand what i am saying. :)