Tuesday, June 27, 2006

angry musings

I would outweigh the manner of your balanced life.I would do so many things I'm not meant to.Scream and throw pool furniture around,eat chocolate wrapped in tissue paper.You know,weird stuff.My mother watches from afar at what I've become.She's too far off than I would have liked her to be,but thats just how things are now.

Yesterday,Dad kept telling me how everyone in the States is doing so well.I know its his way of tempting me into things,he knows me too well sometimes.I just told him 'Its great to hear that,Dad.They shoould be happy about it too,cuz not all of us are fortunate enough to do what we want to'.Dreams are for rookies.But why can't we stop dreaming?He told me I have a brilliantly intelligent mind,and that I'm so expressive about things.'You're wasting yourself,betay'.What the fuck am I supposed to do,then?I wish I could run away like you do all the time,find solace in measly things,but I can't.Existence is all about compromise.I gave up myself so my mother could live with the fucking excuse she gives herself all the time.I should feel proud.Whatever.I'm proud to be a big ballad of nothing.

I walked around with a sour taste in my mouth.A stench in my pjs.At chuggi's,I described the real feeling of home.How,for me,its comes from the smell of my pillow and the texture of meaningless things lying around that no one bothers picking up till its too late.Then she drew a silver heart on my ass,and I stopped being my philosophical self.

The string thats woven us together will break one day,unless you don't do something to save me.I asked you to stay.What if I want to leave?That's the whole problem.My entire life,I've been unsure about everything,and now you're a part of my collection of 'unsure things that mean too much and I don't know what to do'.heh.what a bitch.what a cold,hard bitch.

Zehra named the punching bag 'Gul',and I hit it till my knuckles almost bled.I don't why.My knuckles still hurt.

So four girls figured out at 2am that the hole of the vagina is the size of your nostril,and the one-eyed snake is...well....a lot bigger than that.So we're all kind of in a dilemma about whether we want to 'do it' or not.

hmm...lets see.God save the queen.Yes.That sounds about right.

1 comment:

Rasti said...

quite interesting baby!
but i still maintain wat i told u online!:P