so its 1am and the only person worth talking to online has gone to throw up.i'm positive its cuz she was listening to fiona apple.to get rid of my boredom,i cleaned the kitchen,re-washed the dishes and am now 'watching' midnight money on tbs.all the lights are on and i feel i'm highly irresponsible,cuz kal roza bhi rakhna hai and i'm not asleep yet.of course when you're alone you tend to think about a lot of things you feel sad about when you think about them,and that's kind of what happens with me 24/7 so i'm sad 24/7.wow,and my stomach just retaliated to my said statement.oh well.
i almost forgot how much hospitals scare the fuck out of me.they have this certain smell attached to them that reeks of sympathy at the patheticness of the human condition.i sat all uptight and looking like i didnt belong (which i didnt).
so porcupine tree was awesome.didnt like a lot of their new music..a bit too loud for my taste.what else?it was set up in this bar-like place,and even though they said no alcohol,everyone was having some form of the beer or the other.i had red bull.much of the crowd was surprisingly old,sporting very worn out t-shirts of PT,beer bottles in hand,hippie children in tow.this one uncle..started swaying in a very suggestive way tht he definitely wanted to dance.that was scary.the visuals were amazing,wilson is crazy and the 30/40 yr old who started talking to me randomly was SO cool.i mean,i wish he was my dad,thts how cool he was.sure,ali bhai got ticked off 'kis se baat kar rahi ho' but its not like he invited me out for coffee,right?i mean,i'm sure he wud have had i been alone,but fat chance of tht happening.
i've come to like more and more instrumental/soft/soothing/puts you at ease music.i think i'm...insane.
there's a block party in our..well,block soon.october 21st ko.2 days before eid.2 days before nani died.4 days before peech's 18th.there comes a point in time,well,at least thts the point where i am now,that i just step back and look at myself doing things,talking,looking,laughing,cleaning,being..and i'm so unaffected by it all.
except yesterday.yesterday was the best day i'd ever had since julia.the weather was absolutely GORjus,and who would want to stay inside?there was a spanish band type playing,the fountain was breath-taking,the single duck hiding somewhere,abstract art surrounding you.gravel pressing hard against your shoe sole.people playing frisbee.rainwater not entirely sucked into the ground yet.and i got souveneirs too.i was so happy.awe wala happy,i cant believe i'm back here after so long.
then the whole going back to abbu jaan's place scenario.they cut down the tree,tore apart the sun room,didnt cut the grass.it was all very..strange.i felt so sick being there.getting ready in the forbidden room,tiptoe-ing across the drawing room with my shoes on,walking in the garden looking at the empty space where the rasberries and mint leaves used to grow.i have yet to sit on the chatt.i'll do it soon,though,there's no reason not to.
when ali bhai and kelly disappeared during the concert 'we'll be back',that's when it hit me that maybe hina baji was right.sometimes people think they want the same things,but its just a farce.we all have different dreams and even if our dreams are the same,we want different things out of it.which makes it hard to stick together.specially for a lawyer and a vagabond.
One of the wonders of the world is going down
It's going down I know
It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares
No-one cares enough