He scares me.In an unnatural and unnerving way.I guess i'm just not used to people ignoring me so ferociously.But like the taste of ginger ale,I'll get used to it.Then,again like ginger ale,I'll drink gallons and gallons and become numb to the taste and just notice what it does to my stomach.
Hokie Hope day makes me wish we had more compassion for the world.Like that Facebook group says 'What happened at Virginia Tech happens everyday in Palestine'.So I stopped feeling sad and stopped having nightmares,I had become so insensitive to what was going on elsewhere.
I've started listening to a lot of unconventional,new-age hippie stuff.Flowery prose,quivering vocals,acoustic intstruments;the works.Dad thinks I will soon want to get very high and dance around in circles with hair till my knees.As if I don't dance in circles already.
I'm forcing myself to write,so I can start again.I don't have anything to say anymore,all words fail me.Everything I want to say is reflected in things around me,the grass,the sunsets,people.I feel like if I even so much as hint conversation,it will disturb the general order of the ongoing world.So I've resorted to the silent listener who cleverly eavesdrops,the watcher who pretends to be uninterested in the passer-by troupe,the joker who smiles at tiny things.Just to be lost in a place full of people.In an airport or a university or in a concert.When nobody knows you and you don't have to know anyone.No strings attached.Just sway with the general flow of things,and there will be nothing particularly unique about you.
I often imagine bumping into someone famous,or remotely famous,and ponder as to what my reaction would be.I would probably chew gum,my ego as big as the oak tree,and walk around till they ask me for an autograph and a picture.