Tuesday, June 26, 2007

among ourselves.

Closeness is a relatively less-used word when you're trying to figure out other things.What is it that draws you in?The lines on the face?The way the eyes look when the light is just right?Or the dream catcher in the window silently observing the memories being made,that were once probably dreams,or may now become them.

I'll see you soon.

Monday, June 25, 2007

is that alright,yeah?

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Skin turning more and more brown even though the sun is well-hidden behind ivory clouds.Fluffy,disconnected ivory clouds.I wonder why you can sit outside here in June and not there.The guitar in this song strums rather ordinarily,I can imagine any Tom,Dick or Harry playing it.Yet the little man has done it again.The little man who may or may not have made it with the long-haired girl.I can't wait to get out of school though.It'd feel so good to run in this wind.I got silver disco shoes/heels.The ones my father says will make my posterior bigger than it already is.He forbade them so I wore silver flip-flops instead.With matching earrings and eyeshadow.Time is contagious,and everybody's getting old.I feel like jumping up and down to this song (*points down*).

Must it make you smell like
Fruity nuts and good grains

*jumps up and down*

Friday, June 22, 2007

svo hljott

I think there's a lot of mud being thrown around,for no particular reason.Because of Mani,there's been a lot of calm and peace in my life.So much so that I don't remember how to deal when shit hits the fan.Which is kind of problematic at this point in my life.From what I gather,I've been proud of how steady me and my brother have become as people.How level-headed we are when it comes to things,after all we've been through.Most of the times I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't there to keep a check on me.Such is brotherly love.
I fully realize who he is and how much potential he has at becoming something or the other.I respect him,his ideas and his morals.The scars that decorate his skin run deeper into his blood than they do mine,and him being his amazing self constantly reminds me that he is most of the time stronger than I could ever be.
And then there are times when we're both stuck as to what we should do.We sit and brood in stunned silence and bite our lips and shake our heads and sigh at helplessness.I hate seeing him upset,I can't even begin to explain how much.He's a good kid who's been fucked with which is why he fucks up in general.And still keeps his head.Sometime I feel time is running too quickly for us to catch up.Days and weeks like moments and minutes pass.Then it slows down to a complete halt.Like winter afternoons,when you don't know when the sun came up,when its going down,or where the hell it is anyway.Its all a blur.

I pat my brother's foot as his eyes unfocus from a thought.I can't even say 'It's going to be ok' cuz I know it won't.Sometimes when things go horribly wrong,'ok' just doesn't cut it.We both dream of separate lives,where we'll have no one but each other to worry about,we know it'll be the best that way.It always has been.Away from the parents and societies and concentric circles that never seem to let us out.I wish for everything and everyone to be calm like water.I want her to be understanding and unbiased and him not to be two-faced and stubborn.For them to realize that sometimes you just have to let go.Or else we'll be gone one day and they'll have nothing to grasp but the stale air we've left behind.

can't take my eyes off of you.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

high control

When you have many secrets to tell,you hide under covers so no one finds out.It could be a dumb thing,but no matter.Its still a secret.I think if I ever told anyone what thoughts sometimes enter my mind,they'd be shocked.Simply because of who I am.Naive and goody-goody.But I feel like I'm about to burst with intimate details of lake talks and insomnia.

'Why have a dual goal?You'll just end up having to deal with duality in every aspect of your life'

He was so right.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Normally when I get pissed off,its pretty simple.Just stay the fuck away,and no one gets hurt.But maybe because I'm having the most weirdest week is why I guess I'm the one who should stay away from everyone.I am developing a very unique ability to hit only raw nerves,just for fun.Its not getting me anywhere,and its definitely not nice to tell people off when you're the one who should be told off.I am doing the one thing I absolutely despise other people for doing.Complaining.

But why it works is cuz I have absolutely nothing else to talk about.Kya ghar se kaam,kaam se ghar,school,paisay ki kami,pizza.That's the truth of my current state of social life.I don't know what to say when people ask 'what's up?'.I mean,wtf am I supposed to say to tha?I got stuck in 29 traffic cuz a dumb fuck hit a deer?My only friends are probably the pictures of random people on my wall.And Lacey,cuz she doesn't really care and we watch old VHS's at her place.But other than that,koi bhi nahin hai.Moe,Chuggi,Beebs,Manno,Mani,Rasti,Saba,Complan.Sab ko naraaz kar diya hai.

When Mom gets pissed off,there's a certain stench in the air.I've always been the defensive/emotional one when it comes to fights.I tell people theu don't understand,which is mostly true cuz it makes perfect sense in my head and I'm in no mood to explain.Fooki says I don't have a big enough heart to take comments.I looked at him weirdly cuz that was possibly the only comeback I had.I blame my gene when it comes to taking criticism,which is probably why I shouldn't even think about being a celebrity.Imagine how many hours I'd spend in the bathroom crying if someone commented on my extremely volumized hair.

Yes,that is exactly how shallow I am.

Friday, June 15, 2007

The stars in the sky just don't compare to the stars on the ground.
I love you,Lahore.
I guess we girls have a thing with pouting.
Its a lovely little narcisstic feeling.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Victory Rose

I wish they knew what they were doing to me.
Right at this time.
Right at this very moment.
Where if I close my eyes just the right way,I can see the sun setting in the horizon.
How I have no fear in falling off the cliff I'm standing on.Because the horizon is the last thing I'd have seen,their music the last thing I'd have heard,the earth the last thing I'd had touched.Nothing could be more sacred than this..nothing.The sky above me,the water beneath me and the universe inside me.I want every moment in my life to be defined by the vision I just had.A view so absolutely peacful that it would make me crack helplessly inside.Make me feel like I am nothing compared to what I'm seeing.Just imagining how beautiful it would be...how..unbelievably breath-taking.They feature nature in their videos,nature,my favorite thing in the whole whole world.Even more favorite than chocolate.More than writing,more than being.Nature.Something you can grasp and nurture and blend in with and it will do the same to you.Grey skies,green fields,sharp rocks and the wind.Oh,the wind.Standing there,I will be the wind.And again,every happiness that may come my way,I can only hope it brings me this feeling of absolute contentment,the way this music has.
Thank you,for having a falsetto and for bringing our dreams to us.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Everyone grows up singing.To nursery rhymes,cartoons,television advertisements,then finally,to songs.I always used to overlap words,roll them up in my tongue,basically hear them wrong so they would take the form of a new,mythilogical and exotic meaning that you could interpret at your own will.It was wonderful.It was the world where lyrics couldn't be found on the internet, more precisely I didn't know what the internet was.A world where two-minute previews summed up a version of the entire song in my head and I would sway all along the house singing lyrics I thought would possibly fit.It was wonderful.And so goddamn depressing when I found out what it actually was.'Oh';would be my reaction.Now everyone in the world knew what it was and what it meant and what it should mean and what words do fit.I wouldn't say I was crushed,more...down if anything.But then of course came the feeling (with older years) that wow,maybe someone in the world is singing the exact same line from this very song and possibly feeling the same rush and emotion the music pounding in my ears is giving me.