Friday, June 22, 2007

svo hljott

I think there's a lot of mud being thrown around,for no particular reason.Because of Mani,there's been a lot of calm and peace in my life.So much so that I don't remember how to deal when shit hits the fan.Which is kind of problematic at this point in my life.From what I gather,I've been proud of how steady me and my brother have become as people.How level-headed we are when it comes to things,after all we've been through.Most of the times I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't there to keep a check on me.Such is brotherly love.
I fully realize who he is and how much potential he has at becoming something or the other.I respect him,his ideas and his morals.The scars that decorate his skin run deeper into his blood than they do mine,and him being his amazing self constantly reminds me that he is most of the time stronger than I could ever be.
And then there are times when we're both stuck as to what we should do.We sit and brood in stunned silence and bite our lips and shake our heads and sigh at helplessness.I hate seeing him upset,I can't even begin to explain how much.He's a good kid who's been fucked with which is why he fucks up in general.And still keeps his head.Sometime I feel time is running too quickly for us to catch up.Days and weeks like moments and minutes pass.Then it slows down to a complete halt.Like winter afternoons,when you don't know when the sun came up,when its going down,or where the hell it is anyway.Its all a blur.

I pat my brother's foot as his eyes unfocus from a thought.I can't even say 'It's going to be ok' cuz I know it won't.Sometimes when things go horribly wrong,'ok' just doesn't cut it.We both dream of separate lives,where we'll have no one but each other to worry about,we know it'll be the best that way.It always has been.Away from the parents and societies and concentric circles that never seem to let us out.I wish for everything and everyone to be calm like water.I want her to be understanding and unbiased and him not to be two-faced and stubborn.For them to realize that sometimes you just have to let go.Or else we'll be gone one day and they'll have nothing to grasp but the stale air we've left behind.

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