Sunday, March 30, 2008

i always did the dates, remember?
you remembered the things and the words, and i remembered the numbers. always.your memories are far more significant.far too often, i'm lost in my own joy and disbelief to care about anything else.you remembered me complaining about a wallet. you sent me a new one.you remembered how much i loved Lindt. you sent me those.you remembered me complaining about hoodies. you sent me those.if there's anything i can remember for you, it more often than not is pointless, because you take care of yourself.all i can do is think of something above and beyond. 9/10 i fail horribly.i got you a ring, and earrings. but they're nowhere close to what you deserve.Iron and Wine discography? anyone could've gotten you that.even if i spent 3 months chasing Sam Beam to get signatures, so what? ANYONE else who knew how much you loved Iron and Wine could've thought that up.i DO have shit for brains. and this is all decisive proof of it.a fucking discography for a birthday present. how FUCKING thoughtful, naa.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

i'm done

move,its my turn.
my turn to start over.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

hamlet

"Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love."

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

my nose gets stuck.
I take big,angry steps and clutch at glass till my knuckles show.
I've been touched by the same filthy hands.
(notice the remaking of the heart.thats how pathetic it has all become)

kudos

if she doesn't haunt him,
she will most definitely haunt me.
I torture lovers and demons alike.
its hard to love.
to forgive and forget and move on to bigger,better things.
to grow up.

Monday, March 24, 2008

piano

she has moved on.
sadness.i enjoyed watching her squirm.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

x

'i need a break.i really think i could use your smile in another 14 hours.'

Thursday, March 20, 2008

its too much
too bright
too powerful

midnight


and the princess will always decide what is right for her people.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

to es.

'Hoping to alleviate the pain in her heart by pains of flesh,she jabbed needles under her fingernails'-Milan Kundera

Please stop hurting.
its getting annoying for the rest of us.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

i guess we'll just hide behind cheap wines and glaciers .The whole story can never surface unless its melting.And then it just becomes the sea.

you are my nightmare,you are my dream.


i'm a writer,leave me lone,lone,lone.

The sound of black keys scare the crap out of me.Its like the advent of something about to happen.I guess I'll just wait here till the next spring comes.Or the next rain,the next train.And again,and again,and again.
High treason for the thoughts you're thinking.
Topsy turvy town.
Now would be a good time to know how to draw.

current mood: Don't Look Away- The Helio Sequence

bold takes initiative

Everyone seems to think I'm incredibly happy.
'Your eyes are bigger,brighter'.
Is it you,or the fact that I've made an inevitable decision early on?A quiet sort of resignation to life.
I'm turning into my mother.
Round tufts of grass.
Traveling without moving an inch.

I wonder how many boxes my stuff will fit into.I will finally be leaving!Independent enough to choose whatever laundry detergent my heart desires.A Katherine Mansfield of sorts.Hmm.The wall must come down I suppose.All the precious images that have boldly watched me in the darkest hours of day and night.Not sure whether I should take the piano along.The mirror most definitely yes.Colors shall change though.Only 2,maybe 3 bedsheets.Air mattresses and sleeping bags for unexpected and sometimes unwelcome guests.A big closet is a must,otherwise I will have to fold my clothes into very tiny rectangles.The Vietnamese girls will stay,and the books, and the drawer full of sweets.*sigh*.

I think...I hope,the bigness and brightness are here to stay.Whatever the reason may be,lets not think about that right now.I love you,but this isn't over.I'm sticking to my every word,and you'd be surprised at what a magnificent liar I am.

current mood: Optimistic-Radiohead

conversations with god

Are you going to be like everyone else and scoff at me now because you think you can?'
Its not because I think I can.I know I can.Its what I do best.Unless of course,you want sympathy,which is also readily available.
Sympathy would imply that you're taking pity on me,and there is no need for that.I have given you no reason to take pity on me.
Smart girl.

he leaves her sitting there,in her hand-crafted red dress in a pretty silver building with escalators.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

last petal

I honestly feel like I'm putting on a show sometimes.And then I get pissed when people have something to say about its mechanics.People like B and C and D,E,F,J,K,L,M,N.I thought I escaped,got away,grew up and became something.I don't even write in code letters anymore,its all proper proper English.Except for the stream of letters just above,code for people who i can't/won't/shan't name.
So what do you know that I can't wrap my head around?
Please stop this godly,'i-must-make-you-the-center-of-attention-in-a-negative-way-to-make-myself-feel-better'
/'I-am/know/will-prove-that-I'm-better-than-you' behavior.
Really,its old and its getting so annoying.


He always returned the pressure when she squeezed his hand.After all this time,it had become easy to reassure her that he was there.They had come far past the morning sicknesses and the 'i-don't-feel-like-showering-today' smells and coffee stains and black and white photography.They'd accepted each others problems and silences and moved onto lighter-on-the-heart,boring things.Pottery and Scrabble,reading at night and actually feeding the animals.It was a quiet sort of compromise,and they watched as their hairs turned saltish grey and had Twinings for afternoon tea.
This was love,as they knew it.
Golden crisp,and Tuscany-flavored.


current mood: Out in the Black- Imaad Wasif

Saturday, March 15, 2008


you are Radiohead's 'Black Star'.
But I hope you never fall over or pass out when you see a face like mine.

Friday, March 14, 2008


I woke up and found you
my personal rainbow

Thursday, March 13, 2008

By locking myself within you,
I've been released.
We keep our mouths shut behind pale,stale kisses.
i wonder when the truth will turn around and say..
'enough'.

Monday, March 10, 2008

nice dream

it bothers me.
bothersbothersbothers.
but what exactly?
i need someone like bean to say that really,its nothing serious.'its all in your head child'.
but now i've been here and i know.i've seen.and it burns.
rip,tear,cut,dismantle the extra.
and burn no more.
just be.
just be your nice dream.
bean?
i misses.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

hishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishis.
me,you,everyone,everything.
there is nothing to do here.
this city that has no name.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

well.
this should be interesting:)

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

noalkyplease.

I am like a silver slinky.
I reflect the light you throw on me and dance to hip-hop.

wouldnt it be loverly.

how will i confront thee?
with a grim
ace,
or a smirk?

or maybe a little bit of both
combined?

Monday, March 03, 2008

*sigh*
she loves you,she loves you,she loves you,she loves you,she loves you...i will never tire of saying it,as i sit here listening to tahiti rain song and glance at skater boys outside my window.
my care packages are nothing compared to the power of words.
but i mean,its ok.
i'm going to new york to get closure.and closure i shall get.
new york:the city of escape.the city of lost and found and lost again.my city.
maleeha naipul?
WHAT THE FUCK???

hahahhaha

on a brighter note,i always, always want to feel like this.
the mini-skirt in sunshine+silky blouse combination.
so much traffic-stopping,sipping on a frap and feeling like glitter inside.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

all's fair

do you love me?
do you really think you love me?
then you won't have anything to do with nothing anymore.