Sunday, November 30, 2008

can i?

of arabic music, burnt cookies and questionable orange juice.
of making faces and never, ever, ever wanting to stop being daddy's girl.
of fucking up, realizing it, and not doing anything about it.
of being beaten down into the ground,
and finding the strength to get right up again.
of never being at peace.







*

Friday, November 28, 2008

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

today, it is good weather for airstrikes

I Slide Forward Through My Head
I Think Half Way
Backwards
See Myself Sing
The Anthem We Wrote Together
We Had A Dream
We Had Everything
We Rode To The End Of The World
We Rode Searching
Climbed Skyscrapers
Which Later Exploded
The Peace Was Gone
Balance Leaks Out
I Fall Down
Slide Forward
Through My Head
I Always Return To The Same Place
Total Silence
No Answer
(But) The Best Thing God Has Created
Is A New Day

Friday, November 21, 2008

no one's the martyr


all you know is the way
that he made you feel
he made you feel safe enough
to feel at all
it's all there in the moment
you understood
that he's not going on
and you're still going on

Thursday, November 20, 2008

so many "i love you's"
whats a girl to dooooooooo

=)

Sunday, November 16, 2008

i want to strip you
of everything else but you
to see if i still love you
i want to peel and scratch and scrape
till nothing is left to see
and then i want to love you
just as you are, layers and all
knowing i've seen you without
and loved you

Friday, November 14, 2008

closure

God is going to help now because
a) He has to
b)no one else will/ is capable
....
So much for groceries.
With wet shoes and sensations of failure in my heart, I walk home.By this point in time I don't even care how far it is, as long as I can just hide.My blood is bored of running in my veins, it just wants to run amock.

He turns his face upside down to look at her, see her laughing at his expense. She giggles and continues to pick at the leaves off the bush, her idle hands itching for something to do as her heart sinks. They are both talking, about nothing in particular, but about everything else. He teases her with words he knows will sting her; she is laughing through her pain. Laughing through it all. Laughing out loud even. She knows hope always takes a turn for the worst, but she also knows that this isn't the worst. Shit happens, right? Its ok. Let him stab me with his sweet gesticulations, I will survive. They talk some more, about blondes and Gucci bags and it all boils down to what an asshole he really is, and why the hell is she putting up with this anyway? There is a boy, somewhere out there, who loves her like she was hazlenut chocolate wrapped in golden paper. A boy who'd be able to tell the difference between the tears and the rain on her face.
'So we're cool right?'
'...*sigh*..yes'
' Friends?'
' Yes,thank you'
' Well, good luck'
' You too'
He turns and runs as fast as he can. He knows if he stops, he won't be able to walk away from her ever again.
She stands, watching him fade in the distance.
Jao, tumhe azaad kiya. Tum bhi kya yaad karo ge.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

pagan

Let me fall into your hug.
Let me crash into your crooked nose.
Let me be your beginning and your anti-climax.
Let me the words that jump off your page and choose to imprint themselves in your memory.
Let me be the hum that gracefully, clumsily escapes your lips.
Let me smooth the lines on your forehead.
Let me be the distance you yearn to cross.
Let me be the tingle on your fingertips on a frost-bitten morning.
...

Let me be the vanilla in your smoky sky.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

5-minute memories

We watched Sesame Street in German today. Kermit singing in German was priceless.
Its 3:53 am and I just finished watching Khuda Ke Liye. Can I just say that it put a lot of things into perspective? About love and religion and right and wrong and Narah-e-Taqbeer and who deserves justice and who's fault is it all really? Allah's?
The movie was perfect in the sense that it didn't resolve anything.
We all still stand here, as divided as ever as Muslims, as people, as human beings.
Which brings me to why would I want to hurt myself just in pursuit of attention. No let me rephrase that. Why would I surround myself with positive-ness, but still always find something negative about it?
Why would I let A say things to me, that sure, are funny sometimes, but really hurt my feelings later on?
Why would I let M push me around and then fall for all the sugary goodness that pours forth a few minutes later?
Is it true that all boys want good girls?
What if I'm not a good girl? Where does that put me? Why does everyone have to be so biased? Why, even though I've moved away from what I thought was the most judgemental society ever, am I still being judged?
Mera kasoor kya hai?
Ke mujhe khushi chahiye?
Tou phir tou duniya mein saray log hee gunagaar hain.
Khushi panay ke liye hum sab kaisay martay jatay hain. Kaisay apna aap bhool ke, apni izzat, apni thakhan.. khushi ke peechay bhaagtay hain. Ke kisi tarhan se hamein thori der ke liye sakoon mil jayay. Buss thora sa chen aa jayay, ke hum dil khol ke saans le sakein. Jee sakein, hans sakein. Kisi bhi tarhan ye jo dil mein bechaini hai, iss ko mitaa sakein.
Dil sala bechain bohot hai...

Thursday, November 06, 2008

berry blue


I feel the size of an empty bed
How will I find you?
How will I find you...