Saturday, December 27, 2008

what does it take to find a lost love?

Maybe I'm too emotional for a 22 year old, but something happened today that has never happened before. The sound of the sitar made me cry.
How is it that everything in your life...every memory of peace and happiness and loss and betrayal..all encompass one person? How is it that all you have to do is look at this person and you just know...that jumping off a building is no feat. Bursting out of your skin is no feat. Dying....is no feat. How is it...that she is all he wants? Every moving muscle in his body moves knowing that she is alive..and well and...safe.Life could go backwards in slow motion and all he would want would be her. From the moment he saw her standing in a corner, to the moment they've grown and become different halves of one self.
There is a note that plays in my head every time I see you. It bubbles inside me like a frothy warm drink. It fills my mind with color on a gray day. It tells me that no matter what we've been through, no matter how many times the seasons change, no matter where we end up...you will run after me with blind viciousness when they are taking me away.

flickr it

you know where it is.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

sundaes make me happy


I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

Thursday, December 18, 2008

was machst du gern?

As long as you learned the art of being devoid of emotion, you were set to have the time of your life. No regrets. Just don't think about it. Don't think about how you're setting yourself up for disaster, and then there won't be one. Right now, at this very moment, I can safely say that there is not a single fucking person who knows what exactly is going on in my life. Not you, or you..no not even you. Good thing? Bad thing? I'm kind of sort of ok with it actually. It sucked being 17 and wanting the world to know every.single.detail. And now that I have so many people everywhere, there's really no use gushing about what a fucking idiot I am.
a) they wouldn't get it
b) i'm not eloquent enough to worm my way out of complicated explanations
c)there's nothing really complicated going on anyway. nothing and everything extremely special to report.

Like I said, as long as I don't think about it, and as long as people stay who they are, I'll eventually snowball my way out of this fantasy full of dreams and friendships and wanting everything all the time.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Running down West Avenue in a pink dress and flip flops.

God has a funny way of saying ' Go to class, child'.
A funny way of handing you life for a day and then taking it back. Things collide at 4:38 am that people may or may not remember 10 years from now. They may not remember how they made me feel, how I made them feel, how we became us and us became them. The curtains decieve me in the night and become my worst nightmares.
I took 82 anonymous pictures today.
None of them significant, yet...

Pick me up through a puddle and show me things I cannot see.
Push the hair back from my face and stop staring at my pimple.
Look at me in the eye and tell me what words cannot explain.
Play my favorite song on my favorite instrument.
Sit with me in secret corridors and oh how I wish things could stay more or less the same.
Or completely different.

Is it possible, to survive without the people we know?
Is it possible, to laugh still, to put the world on hold?
Wait, world, let me let it out for once. Positively, for once.
I like this little content bubble you've thrown me into.
Let me float in it a little longer, for once.


I've lost so many things to the monsters under my bed that I'm not even surprised when they turn up once in a random moon.