Wednesday, April 29, 2009

happiness is a warm gun/ soul mates never die.

what is this constant need for need?
this constant want for something, someone to be present, so I can rest my head on their chest,
making plans to change the world, while the world is changing us. The heart sinks at the anticipation of nothing. Of finding you nowhere. These clouds we're seeing, they're explosions in the sky. Turn up the volume, turn it, turn it, turn it up, drown, drown, drown out excess noise. I'm tangled up in happy sounds with sad meanings.
I've decided, I don't really deserve to be happy. Good people deserve to be happy. GOOD people. And I don't fulfill those standards by any means. Who set those standards is not in question right now. I may keep you entertained, amused, excited. But that's it. Before you decide to refute this argument, just stop to think for a second. Everyone has demons in their closets, stuff they've done that they can never ever forgive themselves for. It might be one's triviality, but its another person's nightmare. I've stopped thinking, stopped wanting to achieve a happy medium. They don't exist. I can only hope to stay suspended in this carbon monoxide air, face upwards, waiting for years and people to pass by without a second glance. I am here for a purpose, so to speak.
I really do miss playing the piano.
I can hear stuff in my head and being able to hear it out loud was something very powerful to experience.

3 comments:

Dreaminglass said...

I hear stuff in my head too. That's why I play the guitar. Not that I just hear guitars...I hear strings, piano, drums, flute, you name it.

I also hear this stuff in my fingers. Now THAT'S something I consider an achievement.

xRadiZ said...

we can forgive ourselves for what we've done in the past, it's called finding peace. Every opportunity for failure in life is balanced by opportunities for success, it's whether of not we take advantage of those opportunities that make the difference. If we don't fail, we can never succeed. so if we fail, and we productively acknowledge it, we're one step closer to success. If that's the case, then if you learn from any mistake, that mistake was not in vain, and shouldn't exclusively be thought of as a mistake, but also a learning experience and period of growth. and if we do that, we can forgive ourselves.

~* Dia *~ said...

wow.. u just spoke my exact state of mind :S