Monday, April 13, 2009

she is sure

My lips are the same color as my skin and my hair feels like dry twigs. I feel like if I write down my moodiness in small letters, I could feel more connected to it. Plus I haven't written in a very long time.
Today was a bright gray day. I don't understand how I feel about this fluctuating weather and how its affecting my perception of things and situations around me. All I know is that its mid-April and the sun is not shining in its normal consistency. Also, I think if I tried really hard, I still could not be too monotone all the time. I would have to throw on a splash of red from time to time, I love too much, what exactly, I know not.But I never go around looking for comforts of home. What is home, but a building where certain people live who you are obligated to love.
I have this recurring dream where I have a dress made out of the sea. It is blue and cold and silky, with big holes for arms. It helps me fold you into an embrace and I thank invisible gods for sending you to me. It is poignant and terrible all at once, but at least you're with me.
My final destination.


S said...

yes you wrote after ages, but you wrote so well. again. had missed your work. :)

raheel said...

a delight to read ..a great write or proly i am reading more meaning into it then there really is but nyho herez to my 2 cents :s...

conrad wrote suwhere .."we live as we dream ... alone" and what u wrote is a true embodiment of it,

the possibility of union in a dreamscape and that also in "your" all encompassing "embrace" is solipsistic... and it is also evident in the way "your" texture (skin, hair ,lips) reflects on the reality outside u..(the weather, sun , the need for red) rather than the elements affecting u.

its abt ego tripping , an obcession without name, a deep awareness of closure and impossibility of "other" or love..,and knowledge of the fact that saviour is just a word.

(ps)or else i am badly mistaken .. :P

Marina said...

You are, I think, one of two writers who almost always makes me think, oh hell, what's she doing in my head.
And possibly the only one who can capture wordless emotions, the random, the lost moments between moments with such beauty.
Kyun likhna kum ker diya, silly?

Zh. said...

thank you, thank you, thank you!
i didn't think it was that nice, guys, but THANK you <3

i promise i will try to write more.there comes a time in life when everything is a big ball of stagnancy and you don't know how to deal with it.but no more, inshallah =)

Abid said...

:) and then you tell me you dont write well ? loser.

Komal said...

Ammmazing :)