Sunday, June 07, 2009
i think i could understand
i don't know what else i can do to try and keep this family together. i don't know what i can do to stop my mother from crying, to ebb my father's flowing rage, to try and work past my brother's aloofness. it is so so so so hard to try helping a helpless situation. all i can do is come back and clean the neglected...home...talk my mother out of her depression temporarily, be the little girl i was to my dad to try and make him feel better and pick my brother up from work. i don't know who he is anymore and it scares,maddens, depresses me. i know its been worse, and it can be worse, but when it hits you... that's when it feels like the absolute worst. this has never happened before. I don't know what else i can say to him, how else i can approach him to make him understand how fucking obnoxiously selfish he is. i treat him like a child, he doesn't want that, i treat him like an adult, he can't handle that. i don't know what happened, when and why he became like this and when is this all going to just stop. i don't want to hate coming home, but right now i just wish i was under the ground instead of above it.