Friday, December 31, 2010
He breathes in her ear, unaware of what this simple act of unconsciousness does to her beating heart. She adores his hair most when he is asleep, the soft brown mess feeling like silk under her cool summer fingers. Mistakes and minutes later, he will apologize, and she will ignore him, but she knows she is already doomed. For her heart has been taken away from her in the dead of a foggy, thunderous night. Not a trace left behind, not a single clue. No ransom was asked for, no karma police contacted. That is the trick, you see. When destiny decides to show up in your life and twist your fate like it was made of ears...well, there's nothing to be done about that. No complaints, no alarms, and no surprises.
Monday, December 27, 2010
I still nestled in his adolescent militarily muscular arms, laughing at his haircut, his uniform, his acne, and the fact that he was mine. I would play with his Rubik's cube, and clean his glasses. We would sit in the sun on the terrace, drinking hot tea for our hot heads. Love was made like it was the last day on Earth.
The only thing that bothered me (and I did not speak to him of this) was how it would stay. All of it, everything all the time. His thick-rimmed glasses, my memory of his skin shining in the sun, the Rubik's cube. I bit my lip, and he would ask me where in the world I was. I didn't have the heart to tell him, I'd rather stay here forever, then move ahead (because forever does not exist, you see).
I'd be falling. Face up, back down, mouth sewn shut. If he left, (which he would), that is how I would feel. I'd be falling till I hit the bottom and escape.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
and we are the dreamers of dreams'
We drown our magic in wine that we fetched from the red rivers of our hearts. We run out like children of the forest, barefoot, running to grab the hidden moon. The trees are tall and bare, Mother is silent and resting till she is beautiful again. We dance, to music that keeps our backs straight and our heads fall off, unscrewed. Man invades us with his roads and parks.
Your lips are wet clay under my fingertips, I water them with my tongue, caress them into the shape I want them to be. You hold your elbows close to your body, I button up your sleeves so you don't feel threatened by me. We sit on a sinking sofa, and watch the moon go in and out of Nature.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Happiness is not a feeling. It's numbness. It's a tranquilizer. Blinds you, shuts down your system. It becomes an every occurrence, like food and laundry, writing on fridges with fading markers. There is no more joy left in happiness when you're happy all the time. Is that a bad thing? does feeling this way make me a bad person? ungrateful and almost selfish, no? don't you think?
my brother is my opposite. he is loving and kind and humble and incredibly wise for his age. maybe too much. and now S is off to school, her ambition making me cower in my own shadow. I noticed today, that I didn't have to say a word. Make my presence felt, contribute to the 'mehfil' in any way. All I did was look from left to right, and back again. I might as well have not been there. It was strange, being so alone in a very crowded house. There was a hollow feeling in my gut, like I was being dropped from high up. I felt sick, and jaded. I made my fingers do different wave motions to the music in my head. They moved very delicately, like a lotus floating downstream, not knowing where it's headed.
maybe this is my quiet plea for help.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
it was only because she was so recklessly violent with her love, defending and mastering it's every move. she held on to it so tight, and let go just as easily. her manly way of sitting got to him one day, and to God, so they both decided to give her a baby, something she would not be able to let go of. something she'd have to think about, something she couldn't choke with her bare hands because it was inside and not outside.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
the tree branch was swaying in the wind, and out of the corner of my eye, it looked like a shooting star. i was happy. the weather was very pleasant, and i was wearing my 60's skirt. for mid- october, you'd call me lucky. and i am. i didn't get on my knees or anything. i wasn't even wearing socks, so how could i afford a ring? it was like a light bulb turned on my head, like suddenly everything was bright and tangible. i put my pride in a single question, lay it out on the sidewalk among the acorns and freshmen. it made my heart soar.
he was very respectful in his decline. very polite. he used big lawyer words like 'surreptitious' and 'acquiesce'. he talked about our parents, and how sad and insulted they would feel if we went through with it, about the government and our passports, about tax papers. he was very willing, don't get me wrong. just not as...hasty about it. his palate was full with sured-ness. he had a plan. well, i hoped he did. he stopped me, noticing the light leaving my eyes. i looked to my left. two asian girls were running across the street into their building. a man on a balcony talking into his phone. a car with its emergencies on. the police. it made me sad, all of a sudden. very drained, i felt. very hungry, too. here was this moment we were having, perfectly perfect, smoking menthols and talking about movies and the like, enjoying the beautiful crisp fall in orange street lights, and i had gone on and ruined it. i had taken what was ours and made it mine, and was disappointed when he didn't do the same. i looked at the buttons on his coat.
'are you listening?'
'do you know that i love you? do you believe me when i say that and mean it with my whole heart?'
we walked home, hand in hand, tears making everything foggy for me.
oh well. it was a stupid idea anyway.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
she wanted to see other people
i thought, "well then, look around, they're everywhere"
said that she was confused...
i thought, "darling, join the club"
24 years old, mid-life crisis
nowadays hits you when you're young
i hung up, she called back, i hung up again
the process had already started
at least it happened quick
i swear, i died inside that night
my friend, he called
i didn't mention a thing
the last thing he said was, "be sound"
i contemplated an awful thing, i hate to admit
i just thought those would be such appropriate last words
but i'm still here
so small.. how could this struggle seem so big?
while the palms in the breeze still blow green
and the waves in the sea still absolute blue
but the horror
every single thing i see is a reminder of her
never thought i'd curse the day i met her
and since she's gone and wouldn't hear
who would care? what good would that do?
but i'm still here
so i imagine in a month...or 12
i'l be somewhere having a drink
laughing at a stupid joke
or just another stupid thing
and i can see myself stopping short
drifting out of the present
sucked by the undertow and pulled out deep
and there i am, standing
wet grass and white headstones all in rows
and in the distance there's one, off on its own
so i stop, kneel
my new home...
and i picture a sober awakening, a re-entry into this little bar scene
sip my drink til the ice hits my lip
order another round
and that's it for now
never been too good at happy endings...
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
And later, alone, she watches lovers walk like monsters, retreat behind closed doors. She shuts the window she had been swinging out of, resting her forehead on the cool glass. Turns around to painfully finish her now nauseatingly lukewarm green tea. Watches the shadow of the unlit lamp on the locked door. Somewhere, a dress is being unzipped, and she can't help but wonder why it can't be hers.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
In her dream, she was at a beach, finishing all the cheese in the basket. There was a child playing next to her sand-covered toes. She looked at the man sitting in front of her, seeing him for the first time.
'You need to realize the infiniteness of your soul. The world and its endless possibilities, like this child, are at your feet right now.'
'But what if I choke? What if the world I trespass is different, but I'm the same? I can't deal with being the same'.
'Don't you realize how different you are? Don't you feel the rigidity of your existence? Your energy is in sync with the universe. You musn't deny or fight what has been written about you'.
'I don't trust authors'.
'You don't trust yourself'.
She closed her eyes, and woke up on the other side. The side where possibilities were suicide-like, and summer is choking.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Till the next day, at least.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 02, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
a) Show off your honesty(and modesty) by thanking the person who gave you the award and link to their post. [check!]
b) List 10 honest things about yourself. Cheating makes you lame, so just play along, all you taggees.
c) Select 7 other bloggers you think deserve this award and pass it on to them.
d)Notify said bloggers about the award and invite them to be the honest ones next. Ooh, I'm sure they'd love that.
a)thanks........................ =p. hehe, no really, yours was too fun to read, hope i can make mine just as entertaining.
1. I love writing in pencil. In fact, I prefer it to such a degree that I will go out of my way to carry as many pencils in my purse as I can. Especially the squeaky mechanical ones, those are my FAVS. It's sad, but true. Kind of stuck in grade school if you think about it.
2. I'm dyslexic when I'm tired. People have been known to record/write down funny shit I say.
3. I constantly do things to purport my reality as a fantastical thing. I alter my vision or add foreign objects into my body. There are days when I'm stuck in my mind to the point where I start believing a truth I've completely made up. And then it's too much fun to actually come out.
4. I love the smell of skin. It's the most pure way someone can present themselves without even knowing/trying.
5. I'm very wary of animals. The fact that they don't trust me makes me not trust them.
6. I've had a generic stuffed teddy bear since I was born, and I can't actually sleep without him. Unless I'm sleeping with someone. Which means they have to be teddy, and up for long hours of cuddling.
7. I'm super-opinionated, and super-judgmental, but not really. Yeah. Try figuring that one out.
8. Sometimes, there's no point in telling the truth. So I don't. (This happens more frequently than I'd like it to).
9. The only reason I have an ok relationship with my parents is because I've gotten to know them as people.
10. I LOVE CHOCOLATE. I LOVE CHOCOLATE. I LOVE CHOCOLATE. (note: throughout the course of this list, this is probably the only truest of true things about me).
sigh. this is the shittiest thing I've ever written. WOE IS ME, IT IS LATE IN THE NIGHT, MUST SLEEP bye.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 05, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
The red lips stain her cigarette, as the sun makes her smile shine. She waits for the smoke to clear, among the noise of heavy engines, crying babies in plastic prams, electro-pop music. She glances up, the seasons have changed. It was January forever, then it'll be June too soon. Men with shaved chests speaking in foreign tongues. How does God expect her to focus on troubles when the weather makes her want to belt out in song?
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Monday, March 01, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Friday, January 08, 2010
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Friday, January 01, 2010
we learn that even the one person that wasn't ever supposed to let you down...
You'll have you heart broken
and you'll break others' hearts.
You'll fight with your best friend
or maybe even fall in love with them,
and you'll cry because time is flying by.
So take too many pictures,
laugh too much,
and love like you've never been hurt.
Life comes with no guarantess,
no second chances.
You just have to live life to the fullest,
tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off,
dance in the pouring rain,
hold someone's hand,comfort a friend,
fall asleep watching the sun come up,
stay up late,be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.
Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all,
live in the moment.
Because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.